So for a few weeks now God had been convicting me about my time with him. I tried so hard to be in the word everyday and yet I felt this struggle to beat the clock. I would find my quiet time haphazard. But I knew when Chris taught Bible study Friday night that it was for me. It was on taking up our Bible daily and setting time apart for God as a priority. In that moment I knew I had been sinning. I prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me. Saturday morning and everyday since, I have gotten up and read from his word. I have enjoyed it again.
I have held somethings from God without realizing it. But the more I pondered it, the more I knew I was keeping just a few things for myself. And do you know they all had to do with the location in which we are going to be assigned. I have let go and told God that I want to be where he wants me and I truly mean it. Most of it came from accepting the fact that I might have to live very far from my parents and friends. I mean we are talking outside the 16 hour driving zone I thought would be good. I really want to be able to say "here I am Lord send me" and be willing to go.
I have crossed that place, thanks to my missionary friend Becky. And I realized that if I was asked to go overseas today I could have my passport in 48 hours and go. I mean we already live out of our suitcases! And I knew then that I had fought and won the battle.
So I pray that whatever you convictions are, that you listen to the Holy Spirit and allow God to work on you. You might even need to physically get down on your knees and pray. But there will be that peace that the Lord uses like a balm on our weary souls. And we will wonder why we ever chose to hold on, inside of letting go.
I am praying for you and pray that you feel His peace.